Tuesday, October 15, 2013

You Be You, Not The Computer

Through the Internet, the format of relationships has drastically changed. Rather than having face-to-face conversations, going on dates, and having long distance and lengthy telephone calls, the internet, and social media websites specifically have allowed for society to become lazy. Typing words into a screen, where there is no legitimate human interaction makes it easy for relationships to become more distant, and not as raw and natural as real-life relationships.

As a member of the generation that uses the Internet as a daily necessity, I appreciate all that social media has to offer me. Because I am from New Hampshire, without social media it would be extremely difficult for me to keep in contact with my friends and family from back home. This is beneficial for all of my friends who have different class schedules, my parents who have different work schedules, and people that I want to stay connected to from all over the country. Making telephone calls to every person I want to talk to would be impossible, so this creates a function ability that I could not imagine my life without. For this purpose the social media is an exceptional tool that mediates my relationships for pure purposes. There is a difference in my opinion however of maintaining preexisting relationships, and creating and developing new ones.

When I meet someone new, it is almost guaranteed that I will be awkward, shy, and will indubitably walk away from the conversation regretting something that I said. While I appreciate the fact that social media would help me prevent some of the inevitable embarrassment, the internet helps me be someone I’m not rather than propelling the person that I am. Part of what makes me so unique is the fact that when I am with a group of people I say exactly what I want, with no filter. Whether I realize I shouldn’t be saying it or not, it comes out in my speech, and people are either accepting of it or they are not, but in that moment, they know exactly who I am. If I use social media to have a conversation, I will stare at the chat box and run through countless possible scenarios. I will try to be witty, or intelligent. I will use the backspace button time and time again because I want whatever I say to be perfect, but in the real world, this is not possible.

Just recently, I met someone new and after our in-person conversation that surprisingly went very well, we added each other on Facebook. When he sent me a message later that day, I became anxious, nervous, and I instantly had to message another one of my friends to live stream me advice through the entire conversation. Rather than saying the first statement that would come to my mind, I would ask my friend, we would analyze the situation, and we would reshape what I was thinking to make it sound better. Hopefully the boy never realized why it took me several minutes to come up with such simple messages.

Although the interactions have been continuing both in person and through social media, the boy directly told me that I sound different when we talk online than when we talk in person. I realized that this is probably by no means a compliment. No one wants to talk to someone who is so different in different situations. I realized that I use social media as a crutch to ease my stress of actual conversation. Social media allows me to stop thinking for myself, and to use others, and to use time and strategy to have a conversation, rather than having an authentic interaction with another human being. Typing into a computer screen should not cause as much stress as it does, and it should not inhibit on my true identity and character the way that it does when I talk to someone new.

The Internet and social media helps us create false identities. Whether we realize it or not, we put on a façade, and the social media websites help us to do so. People post photos of themselves that have been edited; they add information that makes them sound intelligent, or funny, or any characteristics that they deem acceptable for the world to see. People show the world the person that they want to be, or how they see themselves rather than who they truly are. It is unhealthy to base relationships based on these false or exaggerated accounts of ourselves rather than being human, and being our own odd, individualized selves. Baym confronts the issue of identity, in his essay, and while I do not believe that everyone intentionally edits their online version of themselves, it is inevitable to morph your identity to be more attractive to the Internet world. Baym believes that the different windows on our computers allow people to be “thinking about the self as a multiple, distributed system,” rather than a single entity (Personal Connections in the Digital Age).

Although the Internet and social media provide great strengths in maintaining relationships and having simple interactions, it limits and even prohibits growing and fostering new relationships where personal identity can become lost in translation. It is important to acknowledge that different identities are impossible to eliminate while performing versatile tasks on the Internet, but to stay true to your identity when handling relationships. Relationships with other human beings are essential, and having conversations through social media is a barrier that can only be avoided by communicating in person rather than through a screen. Your personal identity is the only thing that is truly yours, so it is important to not let the social media or the Internet take that power and morph your personality into that of anyone else, or of a different, untrue version of yourself. 

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